Gaurav Julka

The Heart can Articulate. Enunciate. Speak.

State of Mind: Is it the one you want?

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I wonder what is wrong with me these days. Today, I wrote something called  the State of Mind, perhaps it is a reflection of what is in my head these days or perhaps its just another needy way of expressing the desire of being content.

State of Mind: Unemployed, Not sure whether I Graduated or not, Dateless for Valentines, No Alcohol, Not Interested in #ManUtd, Not sure what my best friend is upto, Eating and lots of Eating, Just Waiting.

Waiting - The Clock which cannot measure time.

After sharing the state of my mind on Facebook, I realized, that it cannot really be “JUST”  the state of my mind. Most of it does not even apply to me. Reasons?

Unemployed: I am not unemployed, I am currently interning with ONGC (WON Baroda) plus I am holding two positions in AIESEC – (Asia Pacific Chair & GCDP GST Chair) then why does it feel like “I am Unemployed” – I think its something to do with “The Kind of Work” or ” Way” and the “Atmosphere”, I work in.

Graduation Results: Since when did I start caring about my graduation results? I anyways know I am going to pass then what is all this anxious waiting about?

Valentines Date: Its not that i have had dates at every valentine. I think its only twice that i have had a date on a valentines day. Again why is the mind in such a state?

Alcohol: This is my 7th year living in a dry state of India. I have never been an alcoholic freak then why the desire now?

#Manutd: Okay, this is true. I have never been interested in Football or whatever you call it…

Best Friend: Well, I have always been the bad one when it comes to keeping a check over friends. But why today? Suddenly? The Feeling of wanting to know — is everything okay?

Eating: Ok. Eating should be a state of my mind. Lets not talk about it.

Waiting: The most important one. I was always fine with waiting, obviously waiting makes you anxious and desperate sometimes but this waiting is good with me before. I spend my time home, no studies, no extra workload, no money issues. I could do 10 thousand things each day but i still prefer to put a mattress in my garden, sit in the Sun and start thinking. What if?  and Wait.

and then when I holistically come to think about it, I realize, its not just a state of my mind. Its the state that I want the mind to be in. It is a state I desire. I can change the way I work or even the place I work at, I can go on dates and have an awesome evening on the 14th, I can order alcohol from a friend or drink with friends, I can watch a ManU vs Liverpool match, I can call my best friend whenever I want or do anything I want to. But this is what I chose to do. This is the state I want the mind to be in.  Though I am not sure if it is good or bad. But as of today, this is how I wanted it to be.

I think the future will tell whether this State of Mind was the right state to be in or not?


Written by Gaurav Julka

February 11, 2012 at 8:30 PM

Posted in #Choices

Tagged with , , ,

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